Remaining in the position of Witness...the ephemerality and unpredictability of life keeps me subtly tense even when lying on the beanbag watching romantic comedies...as long as I'm shrink-wrapped into the illusion of a continuous self to which things happen I'll be on guard.....when I am the Open Ground in which the Show plays out in its gorgeous and horrifying and bizarre splendour, then nothing touches me and my patterns of reactivity are short-circuited.....here I am safe because there's no 'self' which can be impacted upon, merely a self in which things happen.....as love melts fear, so identifying with this Space, my best buddhi, evaporates samskaras like the heat of the ever-watchful sun lifts the dew off morning late summer grass......there is no safety anywhen else and all fear of dissolution remains steadfast in duality even if it is too subtle to feel...

..the paths of self-awareness, etched in laserlike meditative insight, are designed to bring us into contact with our fears, which are objectified as  resistances, and burn them away through the sheer power of acknowledgement...and this acknowledgement is, by any other name, self-love, the ability to stay with oneself in the face of a blizzard of shame and self-loathing until the very act of remaining there with all the crap is validating enough to attenuate the very crap one remains with.....and the crap selfliberates because the power has been leached out of it to feed the electrifying soul awareness on the manifold power grids of sentience across gaia's morphogenetic fields which segue into one another like sheets of smoke in a still room.....

Love melts fear but it's not enough to tell yourself that you love yourself unless you are prepared to explore all the parts of yourself which remain uncomfortable...this recognition of the shadow is true love; complete self-acceptance....if you do cannot bring yourself to do this then your self-love is a minor narrative in a book of uncertainty and delusion, subtexed by self-deprecation and fonted in fear.

I'm a round-the-clock man meself althogh I value dawn and dusk, those still-but-not-tepid times in which the global energies lie fallow before reversing their flow...the yogis refer to them as Sandhis which is not the same as Sandi who posts up here and writes nice things to me cos thankfully she is anything but still...at least when she posts up...maybe Sandi meditates 23.5 hours a day and is deeply still.....I don't know what the dreck I'm ranting on about here.....it is, in fact, a bit after dawn as I write this and I'm contemplating the scrubbing of the black mould off the walls of what is to be the Yoga Centre Main Hall.....

Yeah...my sitting room is one vast reef of crackling calcium housing love like death with a warm smile in the tapasic heating system ignited through the rewired wifi of a transmitted intent..and all is bedecked in clear pastel hues of satinsilk emotions for which eurolanguages have no precise names......and my voice is as soft as the vastest scattercushion on the carpeted ideology of a thickpile integralism flood-fitted into most of the rooms.....

The one I do not see clearly because there is too much of myself in my version of who I think she is....because I have an issue with this particular person, I am tending to focus on all the parts of her which piss me off rather than herself in her entireity....and thereforre I miss her in the sense of not seeing her with clarity....

Most of the stuff which I don't like in others is stuff I come to see that I don't like in myself....although it's much more acceptable to blemish the other so as to keep myself in a sort of plaster-of-paris 'good' or 'okay' place....taking it back to myself, working on it and masticating it to extinction enables me to slay the contents of the reservoir of my shame drop by drop until I accept myself and therefore others more fully.....then I don't miss them...

I rarely miss others when they are not in my immediate orbit....unless they are my son or partner...this either pegs me as schizoid or nonattached or both....figuring this out has been a koan of mine for the past 27 years.

Jon x