They blend together like a double-helix of atemporal phantasm do these past and future thinkings...the distinction blurs like veg in boiling soup because I don't know the extent to which I have distorted memories of the past whether this be ten years or five minutes ago...like distressd denim, they are at once ragged and alluring....and future plans and fears are sort of predicated on where I am right now so...hmm....I'll have to do what I usually do and just did and avoid answering the question by burying my answer under a tsunamisworth of cheap, glitzy, pseudoacademic rhetoric...which is my favourite breakfasttime occupation....blogging the Now whilst bracketing the many considerations of the rest of the day...

Forward I stride with pith helmet acock and blunderbuss poised over an itchy trigger-finger moving through the near-impenetrable jungle of my deeper consciousness-continent like a snail on heat in search of whatever opens to my vision beyond those leafy fronds which capitulate to Manjushri, my trusty machete......

The sort of there-but-for-the-grace-of-god-goeth-I feeling...given that my ex brother-in-law died from a seriously-cirrhosed liver in his mid forties...twenty years ago when courting his sister, whom I eventually married, we got well and truely soused and shared more spliffs than hairs on my head (before I started to shave it that is; i was plumed with arse-length dreads..)....and we talked science-farty music trivia into the small hours................then I stopped all that to concentate more seriously on me meditation and yogasana and he got into coke and a more serious drinking habit.....I see two mirored parabolae on a graph here.....we cusped.......

I cannot make love last; love makes me last.....it is our name for the kosmic binding forces...from the strong and weak nuclear forces, electromagnetism and gravity which loves our physical body onto existence to the pranic vayu forces which love our emotional energy into being,transcending and including the physical vehicle...to cupboard love in the pac mentality (gobble those dot thangs)..to romantic love, whatever that is...nexus of idealisation and pairbonding threads mayhap....to the unstruck bell of kosmocentric I-I realisation resounding through all planes in ten directions......

If I knew where I came from, I do not think I'd have come from there....all notions of what caused me are conjectures arising in the here-and-now,;however educated the guess, there's no certainty in a third-person judgement....and whatever I may have faith in, creatorwise, is, in the final analysis, a choice to have that faith regardless of how deep the indoctrinaire hypo of your culture slips under the skin of your phenomenological reasoning....

I have no regrets about using my Edith Piaf  Greatest Hits vinyl 12-inch as a frisbee to fly at and slice open the nanobot cluster hanging from one of the garden larch boughs cunningly disguised as a hornet's nest full of hornets which were in fact nanobots which had been deployed from about three centuries hence by some wicked cybertroll who is not going to be born for about 150 years but who is destined to become my arch-foe in an era in which I am some three hundred and fifty years old and possessed of genes which guarantee me a lifespan of at least two millennia and all the meditation and stuff over that ocean of time has given me siddhis or super-powers so I am to be called Twinkle the Psi-Man and am a bit like Prof Xavier in the X-Men only without the wheelchair and indeed with hair as the boys in the lab figure out how to tweak the baldness gene in the next ninety years......anyways my foe Piggleszap is trying to kill me here my younger self so that in out future or his present I vanish in a poof of smoke and never to be was.....only my future self came and saw me yesterday and told me about it all and told me he rememberd using the Piaf record to prematurely trigger the nanobots which are used to the pure prana-saturated air of the twenty-third century and not our toxic variety and I exposed them to it before they were able to take samples and innoculate themselves against it so that instead of invading my breath and turning my lungs to maple syrup they spontaneously combusted...so I acted on Twinkle's advice and asked whether I could perhaps choose a different superhero name for me in the future but he told me that if I did that I'd irreparably warp the spacetime continuum so no...but once he disapparated back to his own time I am thinking to myself well frig the spacetime continuum no way am I gonna be called Twinkle I'd regret that one forever;  I'm gonna call myself     

The one thing that there are no words for is the only thing there is in the sense that when you consider everything that is and can be you will find there's an inside to It all and an outside to It and It all arises in tandem, not as the inner causing the outer as religion maintains nor the outer causing the inner as science proclaims but both together spontaneously arising as the Not-Two thang , a shadowplay or Lila dancing on the surface of emptiness's mirror like a razorblade ever scratching the defilement of cocaine into lines which obscure the clarity of the reflection so that the notion of the mirror as reflector rather than convenient take-for-granted-surface-upon-which-to-snort-samsara enables a calmer comprehension of the arising reflection rather than a fear-and-loathing-in-sublimated-crudsville amphetamine-fuelled narcissistic narc-o-rama morally-blind-tango sickening-cum-glorification-of-all-things-simian......Ken Wilber calls this whole sheboodle Kosmos using the original Greek K instead of a C to reclaim its original meaning as referent to the inner as well as outer dimensions of the Big Goopy Mess....then he writes some very nice stories about Kosmos most of which hold vast and subtle internal  congruence and much of it is dumbed down and smoothly clunky...but the fact is that Ken by his own admission is spinning a story and lets face it folks, the map is not the territory and how can you pan out a paragraph which truely truely truely reflects the complexity and awesomeness of this life we live and the vicissitudes we cocreate as we soar up and out over the reclaimed self-terrain in a vein of terror and ecstacy.....