If you had to pick another religion to practice, what would it be

I would practise one I built myself...think I'll call it Psychoastralism.....you can join up for twenty bucks and i will show you, amongst other things...

• the twelve keys to successful bullshitting
• the fourteen tenets of spiritual one-upmanship
• the six things we think we have but don't but they make us look good anyway
• the nine steps to financial narcissism
• the power of constructive future nostalgia

All of which will be available in my five volume Psychoastral manual, yours for $249.99....

Then you'll have the exclusive chance of going on the Ocean of Prolix Cruise this spring; I won't put the price on the advertising banner cos i don't know whether you have your portable magnet handy and you'll certainly need it to attach to your pacemaker once you see how much it will set you back.....

Then there's the Psychoastral Portable Shrine with a big picture of Me Me Me ( a triptych actually) and a bit of Super Nag Champa you can light up whilst uttering the Shameslayer Lineage Invocation...... the tasteful Rhubarb-and-Vanilla Practice Mat ($89.99) for the YogaSexLates I'll be instructing you to be doing at one of my expensive equatorial Practice Centres .....the Work Retreats (you think I'm going to lash out for professional builders and publicists and stuff when i can lampoon you into doing it all for me??... and you will pay me for the privilige in the belief that it will give you molto karma points....honest guv....)

You, too, can benefit from Psychoastralism...visit my website, log on ($15.99 per month) and read the fabulous testemonials from heads of grand-sounding organisations you've never heard of, and authors of books you've never seen on the shelves cos they got rescued from the slushpiles of similar crap by their writers' lottery win and now come at ya mail-order from yet another Vanity Press...

"If you want to make money, start a religion"
                               Lafayette Ronald Hubbard, founder of Dianetics.